How to find yourself: Post break up

Almost everybody at some point in their life has broken up with someone, and has been broken up with, and if not, you most likely will have to face this one day. Bottom line is, break-ups happen, and although sometimes they lead to an immediate feeling of freedom and relief, but often, they suck. One of the hardest parts of a break up for many comes after getting out of a very long term relationship, when you have to re-learn who you are without this other person. It’s easy to say while in a relationship “I am my own person, I’d be completely okay without this person by my side” but when someone has been a big part of your life for so long, it’s easy to get lost in that friendship and mutual love and you can become committed to that part of your life, and when that ends, often there’s a gap to fill. Although it won’t make it any easier, here are some tips to help you through.

  1. Cry

This may sound like the opposite of what I just said to do, but it is very very normal to cry after a break up. Sometimes you will find yourself crying for days. It’s easy to find yourself distracted during the day, going to work or school, spending time around people, but when you return home alone at night, it’s easy to feel sad and that’s okay. Crying is really healthy for you, and if you don’t let out the emotions you have about the situation, they are just going to become pent up and will get lashed out badly in some other way. But when it feels like you’ve been crying forever, remember that one day you will go about your day, come home, and realize you didn’t cry once all day, and soon after you will realize that you didn’t cry once all week, and when a month is up, and you look back still dry eyed, suddenly it won’t be so bad.

  1. Eat the ice cream

Or drink the wine, or munch on the Pizza, or feel sick to your stomach and avoid food after one bite, but for a minute don’t worry about being healthy or picking the smarter option, because sometimes we just need some comfort food.

  1. Shower and put on some makeup (if you like wearing makeup)

The next day, or two days later, when you take a cry break and the snacks are done, hop in the shower and just let yourself feel clean. I know it sounds ridiculous, but it is amazing how much taking a shower can make you feel better, and more in control. Next, put on some make up or do your hair or whatever it takes to feel put together for you. It genuinely peps you up when you look your best and it helps you feel.. maybe not the best but better. More in control.

  1. Spend some time with friends or family

Being around people who make you feel happy and confident and laugh on the regular will not only help you to not think about your heartache for a while, but to remind yourself that there are so much people that love you, always.

  1. Find a passion

If you don’t really have a passion, find one, there are always classes and activities going on in rec centers and what not, and if you already have a passion, throw yourself into it. For myself, this was theatre and fashion. Throwing yourself head first into things you really care about gives you a huge sense of purpose and happiness, and connects you with new people that have like-minded interests.

Sometimes, the hardest part of a break up is having to start understanding who you are without another person by your side, but as sad as it is, it’s an amazing opportunity to learn, grow, and really find yourself. Hope this helps a little.

Love always,
Nic